Valentine Jokes

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Q: What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?
A: You get buttered up.

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Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?
A: Antelope.

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Girlfriend: Honey, I want iPhone 6 for Valentine

Akpos: Whaat! Seriously? In this economy? You don’t know what you are saying!

Girlfriend: Ok. On Val’s day, use my picture as your DP on Facebook and Whatsapp with the caption “My only true love.”

Akpos: *Scratches head* erm… where can we get the Iphone to buy?

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My One And Only
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, at a very smart jeweller’s shop in Hatton Garden, London.

The jeweller inquired, ‘Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?’

Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, ‘No, instead engrave “To my one and only love”.’
The jeweller smiled and said, ‘Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.’

Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, ‘Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.’

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Valentine Dreams

One morning Emma woke up with a start. Her husband Jim asked what was the matter, she told him, “I just had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” Jim said.

That evening, Jim home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, Emma opened it – only to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams”.

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Don’t Make a Fuss About Valentine’s Day

Background: My dearest wife is always going on and on and ON about NOT making a fuss over her on Valentine’s Day. She repeats that it’s the thought that counts. Well, I put a lot of thought into the gifts from previous February 14ths but she didn’t quite take to any of them like I assumed she would.
Here’s my list – see what you think:
Brand new mop and bucket: I was thinking it would be fun to see what colour the floor was because I couldn’t remember.
Romantic dinner at fast food restaurant: I was thinking that she might like to go inside for a change instead of fetching dinner at the drive through.
Chocolates left-over from last year’s candy box: I was thinking of how proud she’d be of me for not wasting food. She’s been nagging me for years to recycle.
Midnight moped ride through the park: I was thinking that I’m getting too old to be peddling on the bike.
Dozen roses printed on high quality photo paper. One of my favourites this -I was thinking these would last a lifetime instead of just a week.
45 second back massage: I was thinking any longer and she might think I was interested in something else.
Windows 8.1: I was thinking how proud she would be to be a part of the technology crowd.

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